It has come to my attention that I don’t feel that I have what it takes to be a good boyfriend. Well, today’s date showed that much.
I thought our date went fine, turns out our personalities are starting to short-circuit. I have been told multiple times that “We don’t go out anymore.” and “You never plan anything with me.” This has become an ongoing issue, and today has shown that not much has changed.
Today, I had planned for us to have a picnic together at a park out in Elysian Park. This appealed to her, and everything seems fine. When I arrived at her house, although she was hungry, she was not really in the mood for our typical Indian picnic cuisine. This caught me off guard, and I didn’t really know what to do. I was in the mood for pizza at the time, suggested it, and got a hesitant, but willing response. I then decided that we were going to get lunch first, then hang out at the park afterwards. I did not mention this since I always tend to get the silent treatment when I ask for suggestions. Ladies, this drives men crazy. I don’t care if you’ve been together five days, or five years, it adds to the already difficult challenge when you leave us to plan out the whole day/evening. I can’t count how many times I’ve planned out an entire day or evening, only to hear an “Oh, I don’t like that. I don’t want to go there.” I don’t find it fair that you leave us to make plans, and at the same time, shut them down because you don’t like doing those different things. Yes, I agree that we should and probably do know what you like, but it is difficult when we may want to try new (but not too foreign) things, or show what we feel is a meaningful experience. Anyway, I’ll end my tangent here, back to my day.
I suggested pizza, I got “Whatever” as a response. So we ended up going, the mood felt very awkward since she was verbally passive. The food was alright, nothing too amazing to hoot about. Very few words were exchanged. I felt like most of the things I wanted to talk about, I should have already known about her. So lunch started us off on a confused mood. I figured since she was hungry, she might open-up once we ate. We proceeded to go to the park. She did talk a little bit, but the mood didn’t feel like it usually does; Nowhere near comfortable.
Once we got to the park, things began to feel like normal. I showed her a scenic view, we hung out/ cuddled, talked a bit, played on the park equipment, and seemed to be enjoying ourselves. I thought to myself “Thank goodness! Things are better now.” With my ‘I want to show you some things that I like, and are new to us’ attitude, we went out to get coffee in Downtown.
We made it to Downtown fine, and then we ordered drinks. She didn’t really know what to get, so I used my best judgement, and got her something that she would like. The mood seemed to be getting better, and I started feeling comfortable again. I felt her becoming more comfortable, since I had been there before, and unlike the pizza-place we went to, this coffee shop was planned. She tends to disconnect herself from her surroundings when we go to unplanned locations, so, although she did not have breakfast yet, she didn’t eat very much for lunch. So when we saw the lunch items the coffee shop sold, she began to get hungry again, and mentioned how she was hungry. I offered to buy her something, but according to her frame-of-mind, since I wasn’t going to eat, she wasn’t going to eat either. As much as this bothers me, I was used to it, bit my lip, and didn’t push for her to order something. So since that was all I had planned for the day, I figured that we wait for traffic to die-down before we headed back home. So I spontaneously suggested we went to Little Tokyo to hang out. This didn’t go over very well.
Although she agreed, it was then that she turned into a complete introvert, and a hermit. I then lost any type of chemistry that I had that day. She didn’t say a word to me, and when I would try and say something, or ask her anything, I would get a shrug at best. If her body language could actually speak, it would have said something like, “these are your plans, i’m just here for the ride. Why do you want me to help you with the plans you were supposed to make?” This made our entire day come to a pretty uncomfortable halt. At this point, I didn’t care if we sat in traffic back home, I wanted to drop her off, and leave. So although it took multiple attempts, we finally walked back to the car, sat in traffic, and made it home.
Her front door was left open to let me in. I wasn’t going to step in at first, but I wasn’t going to leave that inviting open door open without me on the inside of it. The mood inside was-*News Flash*
“This will have a happy ending”
The mood sucked, so I left. Once I got home, I got dramatic, pretty dramatic, I turned on The Smiths, & felt like drinking away my sorrows for the night. I was even considering how I was going to function without a significant other. The reason I was unable to finish this post last night, was because at what seemed like my all-time-low, I got a phone call from her saying she was outside my front door. Turned The Smiths on pause, and faced the music (ugh, bad pun). To my surprise, I wasn’t facing what I had thought was an inevitable ending to a good relationship.
She showed up with a peace offering of “Karma-Sutra” B&J ice cream, and an apology for the way she acted. Words were exchanged, and what I gathered from it was that, although I was allowed to make plans and do whichever I liked, I childishly still need approval with the plans I make myself. I got the “Just do it” attitude, and although she is in one of her moods, be a man and do something about it. I really needed to hear this, and am glad it came from her. My ego felt pretty bruised, but what she was saying was true, and my ego would have healed. Even when it came to inviting her in, I hesitated in asking. She made this very clear, and I had a bit of a moment, but we eventually made it back to my house and made up.
So this is why I was unable to finish publishing yesterday. There were a lot of ups-and-downs last night. I heard what I needed to hear, and our issues were resolved. I couldn’t ask for anything else. Now I can ride my bike today, knowing someone out there really wants the best for me, us and loves me. This is a mushy ending, I know, get over it.