So What I’ll Die Alone, Alright

After a long awaited block of midterms and work performance re-assessment, the time has come for a mini vacation. Two days ago the family left for the desert for their annual thanksgiving camping trip in California city. There are vivid memories I recollect when thinking about desert trips I used to attend. I have learned a tremendous amount from said trips that are worthy of their own posts. Having learned as much as I feel that I am able to gain from such an experience, I have decided that I wish to no longer attend such an event. My response to, “Why?” is that I have encountered a point of saturation/ redundancy and wish to move on.

For the past two years, I have chosen to stay at home for the thanksgiving holiday to have the house to myself and enjoy some long awaited peace and quiet. The same goes for this year. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t counting the days until our long awaited vacations came. Vacation from civilization for the family, and vacation from the family for me.Two days ago, the folks left and are at least four hours away from their beds and luxuries of the household. My father and I have shared a few conversations where the other were interested in what the other was going to do for the next few days.

My dad has always tried to push me to join in the tradition of dirt-bike riding, sand-railing, and other desert festivities. Just yesterday, he tried to use the phrase, “You need to try and get out more.” Get out more? I am out and about in a day more than he is. When discussing this with some teammates, I realized he was simply trying to turn me into a well-rounded human being. This reminds me of the conversations I have with non-riding friends who ask what I like to do for fun. When I tell them it is mostly cycling and coffee they acknowledge what is said, but still follow up with, “That’s cool. What else do you do?” This follow-up question always leaves me without and answer because one does not exist. Why do we as a society have to bury ourselves with the volume of tasks instead of the qualities of focusing on a few skills we have the potential to be great at? Needless to say, I knew I wasn’t going to get my point across in the heat of the conversation and proceeded to stand some ground by mentioning I am up before him and sleep less hours in a day than him ( both in the present time, and when he was my age.)

I looked forward to this time alone since the beginning of the month, and am enjoying my time without the loud volumes of siblings and parents in their daily, americanized routines that lack diversity. I have mentioned in previous posts on how a routine can be liberating, but if someone were to dive deeper into what someone’s routine might be, the one in particular with my folks would be questionable at best.

If I could pick the most popular question someone has asked  me over the past week, it would be, “What do you plan on doing for the holiday?”Since the month’s start, I have intentionally made no plans to acquaint with others formally. I know this may seem depressing, but I consider things a form of social cleansing. In the past months I have found a pleasure in isolation. In continuing the process of discovering one’s inner-self, I will continue to seek such an opportunity to be alone in self-company.

So with the time I have spent in this state, (in particular) this holiday season, the time alone is my best interpretation of living alone and having a place of your own to live, eat and breathe in. If I were the type that missed their parents around this time of year, I would consider myself not ready for the inevitable move to self-identity and discovery. If I were to be completely honest, I have been longing for a time like this for over three years. Experiences like these have solidified my longing for seeking a place of my own, and finally branching out into being my own person and establishing my own identity. If I could summarize my feelings for my recent self discovery, I would respond that I have enjoyed my time to myself and have learn a lot of new skills and thirst for more.

I plan on following through with my riding schedule of completing a twenty-four hour bike week considering the calories I have consumed. At first I thought I had an eating disorder, but it has shown itself as an opportunity to fine-tune my body to it’s full potential. This race season is going to be a great one. Despite my time binging on distractions, I still refer to the fitness I have worked so hard to establish and maintain through this time away from the race track. As long as I keep doing what I am currently doing, I will ( without hesitation or second-guessing) do well and succeed and prosper.

When we simplify our wants and needs, life becomes a lot simplier.  I do not see a problem with performing such a task.

To all of those who have chosen to follow this post, I enjoy your informal company and  look forward to hearing from you soon. Take care and have a happy holiday.

-DFJ

 

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