Rekindling an Old Flame

Just last week I had made the decision to get back together with my previous significant other from which I’ve had a long history. We have been together for five years and recently ended things last November. We took some time apart for some figurative fresh air at being single. This would prove to be the ultimate test to see if we were meant for each other.

After about five months of being on-and-off, still hanging out in what felt like a relationship with a lot less pressure to use terms of endearment and to include titles. We have been reduced to being friends with benefits. This came as a shock to me at first. Seeing as we have very little in common I figured the first chance she would get to be with someone (or no one) else would be snatched up immediately; this was not the case. Things never got weird between the two of us. There was a very good understanding between us due to our long history together which made things more natural. I will say that I thought this was going to be a temporary thing that lead up to either us getting back together or us finding someone else. I then decided that during this next trip I would confess how I felt, and suggest we get back together as an item.

Our time spent together mainly consisted of staying at home, cooking, listening to music, the farmers market, drinking, and watching television. Everyday boring stuff that gets better with company. I had begun thinking about when the right opportunity would be, and how I would word my message.

Instead of me making a big scene and confessing my undying love for this person, I decided to take things with a more laid back (and IMO, a fairer) approach. The last thing I would want to do is to swamp her with all of these strong emotions and make her feel pressured about feeling the same way towards me. Since I was convinced that I was willing and able to get back together, I had to first see if she was willing to do the same before sharing my feelings. This had to have been the smartest decision I’ve made the entire trip (that and bringing breakfast over to cook the morning after. It came out fantastic BTW.)

When asked about how she felt about us getting back together (mind you, this is before I revealed any personal emotions I had been feeling as to not spike the punch) she thought about it for a second, then confessed that she liked what we were doing now, and didn’t wish to get back into a relationship with me. She said she preferred our casual encounters without the anchoring titles or obligations to give the other copious amounts of attention that she felt the other deserved. I’ve never wanted to capture a photo of a reaction so badly in my life (of course I’m referring to my own reaction to her response.)

Once she said this my ego appeared out of nowhere and caused my initial reaction to be that of a vain prince being denied someone’s hand in marriage. My soliloquy would have read something like:

“You mean you don’t  want to get back together? With me?!

After finishing my glass of prosecco, then refilling it a second time, I began to realize that that was it. The decision had been made for me. It didn’t matter how I felt anymore. She had already made up her mind about our relationship. She clearly enjoyed the casual approach more than a more serious one. After knowing this person for so long and to watch her mature and finally reach a point in her life where she came to that decision on her own, I had nothing left to say except to agree with her. In the end, it’s the other person’s decision that matters the most. It was how our relationship was conceived in the first place.

Her being the new girl at work, there were two other co workers who wanted to be more than just friends with her. Having known that it is ultimately up to her, I yielded the first opportunity to approach her and let the other two give things a try. They went out on dates, but ultimately the mutual feeling of attraction was not there for either of the two. To my surprise, there was an attraction for me, and the rest is history. Having referred to this after five years of being with the same person, it finally sank in that things were not going to work out.

Once this rug was swept from under my feet, I did not feel sad. There were no tears on the drive home from Anaheim. For the rest of that night (up until now) I continue to be in a state of shock. Not entirely at her for making that choice, but more for my arrogant and vain presumption that she will always be there and that it was only a matter of time until we got back together. I even told my closer friends that it was a matter of time before we would be together again. Boy was I wrong.

At the end of the day I am back to square one. I was beginning to feel like I was wasting my time and I should end up making a move before it’s too late. Having realized how she felt, there is even less pressure to make an advancing move. I can continue to live the way I do without feeling the need to reacquaint with a long lost relationship. I am freeing up my schedule even more and am struggling to find things to fill it up. This is nothing I am not willing to give a shot and explore my options. Until next time.

-dfj

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