Hear Me Out

There are times in my relationships with others that we arrive at a level of comfort in which we can share things that others might not give them the impartial response they long for. Once I find this level of comfort, I have been told that it can be perceived as me being “sorry for myself” or “thin skinned.” While there is a growing part of me that agrees with this, there still stands the matter of knowing something exists and being able to deal with said thing. As an adolescent I have been referred as the sensitive one. To this current day, not much has changed in that department. I still have strong feelings towards things, I’m just more vocal about it now. While this strength to share these dwelling thoughts has been liberating, I tend to get a type of feedback I would swap for another if given the chance.

The types of issues I face (a longing for connection, affection, and a well defined sense of purpose and justification for existence in life) hold enough weight to stand on their own. When evaluated by others, the solutions seem easier said than done. I have written about how severe the emotional rollercoaster of bike racing can leave it’s mark on someone can be. This in combination with the lifestyle that comes with working a job that has little to no social interaction throughout the majority of it’s duration can (and have) taken their tolls. The problems can be easily identified. Following through with corrective action is when things become difficult.

There is no mistaking the sense of self improvement that comes from sharing darker thoughts with others. The comment that sound like, “Well maybe you should lighten up/ don’t take things too seriously” or my favorite, “try being less sensitive” that get on my nerves. Sure it may be easier for some people who have a church to go to, or a deity to pray to, or a friend/ significant other who will hear them out and keep them going in the right path. Not all of us have this luxury. It is not as easy for us to change our state of mind as it might be for athletes like myself to lose weight for whatever reason that comes up.

I guess the point I am trying to get at is that I am not convinced that the people who take the liberty of soliciting their advice/ opinions in my direction fully understand the weight of the situation. I am more than aware of my actions and while the part of me that would love to hop on the bandwagon and seek a traditional way of life at this age (pulling my hair out with stress from a temporary part of life like school tests to seek a job I may not be able to justify stressing over so much to live a life that seems PC to share with others at some dinner party) I find a comfort in being sad more often than feeling happy in a given day. This feeling of comfort is incredibly addictive. It identifies my character. And what more should one achieve at this age than a clear definition of self identity?

If you are one of the few people who I have shared darker thoughts with, I encourage you to roll with my train of thought and as a friend feel flattered that I am willing to share core values and beliefs with you. While you may disagree with my train of thought entirely, the fact that you have chosen not to immediately label and disregard what I have to say holds a lot of weight in my book. If you have known me for any extended amount of time, you know that I am always open towards a new point of view no matter what my current stance on a subject may be. It is conversations in which we are able to share such thoughts in a way that fails to step over each other’s views in a disrespectful way that I deeply value and appreciate. From here, we could continue our relationship not speaking to each other for months on end and I, without a doubt, would not hesitate to question our relationship and the immense weight it holds.

To summarize, my thoughts are:

  • Hear me out
  • Try not to be rude or dismissive in your retort
  • Don’t tell me to lighten up or be less sensitive. It’s who I am as a person

-dfj

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