Rough Nights Rough Dreams

Ever feel like you’re on the wrong side of life?

Between yesterday’s slightly anger-driven bike ride and not being able to find your spot when finding sleep, I had a peculiar dream. I haven’t dreamt in months (guess I’ve put my thoughts into the conscience world more than I used to.) This one struck me as odd and worth mentioning.

I was in some type of boarding school. I was in my later teens. I can remember seeking some type of assistance with something going on in the room I was staying in. In come two custodial types, one who resembled my grandpa, and another a random stranger. The familiar one convinced me to listen to his advice given his appearance while the other continued to go to work. There must have been an issue with surveillance or something involving one to look at a screen (perhaps a work fragment.)

The details in regard to the diagnosis and solution were irrelevant in this scenario. What felt so odd was how close the familiar face was behind me as he coached me through some new procedure. As I tried to move away from him at my back looking over my shoulder, I could feel him in contact with my skin. A feeling that distracted my train of thought and all concentration tremendously. Maybe he was trying to molest me. Nonetheless I shoved him away and immediately began complaining to his partner to which he replied, “That’s just what he does you should be more careful next time.” I agree that this is an unforgivable statement in the modern world. To which I responded with resentment and cynicism at what crass actions these two men who had my trust had done to me.

Cut to another time in the same boarding school. I am about to speak with another classmate about some agreement we had made in the past. He regretted to inform me that he would be unable to fulfill the agreement we had made. While he said he was sorry, he did not convince me. To which I must have snapped and began attacking him. I never did get the solid blow one feels when hitting someone square on your target I can say that I struck fear, and pain in him.

This scene in which I remember being in some room with two female friends who I am beginning to describe how these recent turn of events have left me feeling emotionally topsy-turvy. Before I can get to the serious details, I am summoned by staff at the school to meet in a particular room. The other boy who I fought with was summoned to the same room. We were both escorted there by counsellors. This struck up that same anger that I had felt from the start. Our paths looked like they were about to cross. In this case the boy yielded to me, and I responded with a scornful look.

Cut to the final scene. The room looks like a dining room. Pastries and tea are placed on the table and both the boy and I are being prepped to talk it out. I am in no mood to cater to their demands. The kid is still scared of me at this point and I am giving him good reason to be. As much as I wanted to lash out at him one last time, I was interrupted by my return to an awake state.

My final memories of that dream were me being completely checked out of that school I had been a part of. They took something from me that I cannot define, but left me cold and bitter inside. I’m not sure what to make of it, but the good news is I’ve remembered enough to share with the world. My mood is neutral at the moment and slightly reflective. It’s Sunday and I have nothing on the agenda for the day after work. Glory glory it is good to be me.

-dfj

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