Purg

No one said change has to sway in one direction indefinitely….

I’m sitting here waiting to punch out of work, thinking about the next chapter in this story of mine. Some of you may have heard I’ll be relocating in three weeks. While this is a big step forward for me, the anticipation is at a simmer. On top of that, I believe I’ve hit a plateau on the bike. Both pieces of news have equally subjective outcomes, they are one item short of a trifecta of self-discovery. 

I’ve mentioned on other social media mediums that I’m a quarter into a book I’ve been on hold to check out for almost three weeks. It talks about psychology and the defense mechanisms one goes through to maintain a comfort zone the author likes to call, “The Fantasy Bond.” Much like the feeling one gets by hearing the first thirty seconds of an incredibly well composed song, I was awestruck by the first pages. Having chosen to consider the possibility that this field of social science is a plausible explanation for my neurotic behaviors both in and out of intimate relationships, I find myself wanting to know more and more about the theory this doctor has come up with. I have already noticed character traits about myself that would explain why I behave the way I do. It’s almost spooky how close to home some topics can hit. 

What I’m getting at is the tree main aspects of my life (home life, bike life, and social life) seem to be out of sync with each other. That would explain this funky, confused attitude I seem to have. I will have flown the coop by the end of the month, my next race is in a few weeks, and my social life is continuing to support an on-call trend. It’s almost like some strange form of purgatory. 

That being said, the above mentioned parts of my life are clearly depended on one another. Which would explain the confusion and apprehension towards the next step. I seem to be making the most progress in the book seeing as it has no time restraints attached to it. I’m trying to put the concepts into practice in a mindful, day-to-day basis. I have a difficult time with being vulnerable and notice that those who have come to terms with their vulnerability (and don’t let it hold them back) get the most benefits on a social level. 

I’m trying to do more grown up things in hopes to incorporate change in my life. I know once this move is all said and done, it will solidify the change I can’t help but obsess about. Time spent off the bike has helped me realize what need improvement. 

As difficult as it was to turn around and do the ride of shame after failing to complete my interval workout, I got all the anger out and realized it was time to give things a rest. The world of cycling can be incredibly distracting. Unless you know for a fact someone is on the same training regimen as you, (or you do all of your training alone) it is near impossible to notice where others are in their training and not inadvertently adjust your routine for better or for worse (usually for worse.) this past week was a clear sign of that. After going hard for so many days (often times, consecutively) I hit a wall. Having to push my pride to the side. I took most of the weekend off, not touching my bike. My body seems thankful, and I look forward to going back into the normal routine. 

A lot of thoughts are coming in and out of my head sparadically. I hope this will help gets things back to their nice and neat structure. Until next time….

-dfj

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