Was this your plan all along?
It seems like only yesterday when I was counting the days until I’d show my pops just what a big ignoramus he’s be through out most of his life. I had this entire narrative planned off on the day I came home in a bad mood to him being his once usual nitpicking self. I was gonna point out genuine issues and point out real flaws with no emotional expense. No matter how hurtful it may had seemed, all this pent up angst and resentment needed to be expressed to someone other than a close acquaintance or past relationship. I remember writing some otherwise jerk tangents on this very blog.
With the whole moving thing said and done, I can sit and reflect on how I’ve come here. Months leading up to this landmark have been surprisingly pleasant. It’s as if both of us have lavelled out and realized that we are two different people. I believe I came to this realization first, but getting to this level of maturity isn’t a race. Even before I mentioned that I was going to fly the coop it seemed my dad got the point I was trying to get across to him. Maybe his other kids made him realize that there are more important matter to attend to than things you want your adult son to do that goes against his character. Or maybe my mom and uncle mentioned how I felt to him more directly. I’m gonna go with a little of both.
One night we were having dinner and I took this as I sign to open up and express some heart-felt, but in no way directly rude personal emotions. I mentioned how crowds usually make me anxious and I prefer more concentrated, well thought out conversations in cozy, low volume settings. Our work schedules don’t give us much time together. I speculate that some of these things I shared stirred up something within him. That along with the time spent apart gave him some time to think about what was shared. This resulted a more calm and mature approach to the parenting role.
Instead of the gritty ending to us living together I had expected, we were helpful and patient to the others needs. I can say that he showed genuine selflessness when it came to the moving process. I remember the conversation when I had decided I was going to make the move. I anticipated he was going to take it personal and see it as an attack towards him. To my surprise, (and his) this thought never crossed his mind. I had imagine there would be this ongoing discussion of what is and what is not mine. None of that even came up.
The timing of all of this seemed surreal. I’ve heard multiple people say that after someone hits a certain age (usually around 40) it is incredibly difficult to change their behaviors. While this is still true for his eating habits, his physiological anatomy has come to an enjoyable experience. I guess he’s come to realize I’m a grown man. Our relationship feels more of a friendship than a parent/ child. Am I complaining? Absolutely not.
All is well for this brief point in time. More to follow once it arises.