Loving you is Complicated

Oh the agony of defeat….

Saturday night I went full method into a regressive state after encountering an overwhelming amount of stress with this weekend’s races. I botched the time trial which I didn’t have high hopes to begin with. I botched the road race and somehow that stirred up an all too familiar emotions of second guessing, doubt, and feeling unprepared. When I went back home I did all the things I used to do to return to a more comfortable state of stability. I ate my emotions, I drank my emotions, and I isolate myself from social contact in hopes to suppress my emotions. 

This year I believed my training was going well and that I was prepared for a year of hard racing. To analogize the situation accurately, I was trying to build a house with a wrench and a hammer. No matter how good the hammer and wrench were (believe me, they work incredibly well) they were not enough to achieve the task at hand. Part of it can be blamed on my inability to decide on races specific goals. Last year I was able to hold a higher intense effort for a longer amount of time. I was lacking in final sprint efforts so I chose to work on those for a number of months. Time went by and I feel confident in that ability. Needless to say I now am finding a deficit in the sustained efforts. Not thinking it was that big a deal to begin with, yesterday’s race brought out a primal feeling of wanting to be good at something I was good at in the past. 

Right now I’m finding comfort in that skill of sustained, longer duration of efforts in ride profiles that have more elevation gain in them. 

A few things I would like to point out for those that may see me from time to time:

  • Don’t lecture me
  • Keep the questions to a minimum
  • I don’t want to hear you’re advice. I’ve got a plan, I don’t need your help

Not much else to report. Until next time….

-dfj

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